I thought to stand upon the Hermit’s hill,
Hold high the beacon and o’er light the path below.
Instead I am the Hermit’s star,
The light within the Lamp,
Suspended from the Eternal’s hand.
ct 10/94

Ten Million Memories

The Senate hearings this week triggered in me a tsunami of memories imprinted on Universal Consciousness.

Overwhelmed by despair, steeped in pain and fear, drowning in helplessness, hopelessness and guilt, and filled with the acid of rage, I am battered by the sense-memories of millions of women who have been abused, raped and dishonored over the past two thousand years.

In an effort to find some surcease from such devastation, I chant an old mantra: “That was then, this is now”, to no avail. In this moment, Then IS now!

Caught up in the maelstrom of these “memories”, this cell-deep pain, I cling fiercely to my own humanity, resisting the need for vengeance, and ask my poor battered heart – How do we stop this without becoming the abusers?  How do we stop those who abuse and rape us physically, verbally, emotionally, mentally and psychically without demanding vengeance, without becoming that which we seek to stop?

Finally, I am empty enough to “hear” Quan Yin.

“Love them both equally,” She says, “for both are damaged and have lost the knowledge of who they truly are. It is good to remember that the damage-r is far more damaged, and the path for healing less available. Rage that damages is different in quality than rage at being damaged. Love them both equally, and you will have a good start on your own deep healing.  To rage at the damage-r damages YOU and you become the damage-r. To love both creates a space for healing and a new way to be in relationship with yourself and so with others; a way to become that which you have always been, recognized or not, which is Perfect Love.”

Once I can get my feet under me and stand, once more, behind my heart, I will do my best to ‘love both equally’.

Meanwhile, I send my Blessings to each of you, and my Thanks.      Charlotte

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